The Chemistry of Dating

Chemistry is everything when it comes to relationships. It is the flow of conversation and exchange of ideas between two people that suggests a compatibility of mind and spirit. Every relationship involves chemistry. Some people gel while others don’t. In the past, determining chemistry was pretty straightforward. You met someone in person and began the dance that would tell you how much chemistry you actually had. Online dating, however, is a different beast. Our connected universe has given birth to new ways to meet people and forms of communication that happen electronically without ever having that essential face-to-face encounter. For all the advantages that it brings, our new ways of communicating also come with unique obstacles. Email and instant messages often create the first impressions that people you meet online will have of you. Everything you write now becomes extremely important in how find friends. Phone conversations are also a logical next-step in any online relationship. How you come across over the phone often determines if you’ll get that date you’re looking for or not. The problem is that although these means of communication are important, they can often give a false impression of who you are. At the very least, you need to consider what this will mean when you start to pursue relationships online.

Writing is the foundation of first impressions online. This means that no matter how good or bad you are at written communication, it will be someones first look into what you have to offer as a date. Writing email is the easiest way for you to control how you appear. You have time to check your spelling and grammar to ensure you seem to be a competent, conscientious individual. If you read an email that is riddled with errors, would you think that the person who sent it wasn’t intelligent? Would you think them careless? Could it give you the impression that they can’t be bothered to take the time to write it right? Some might say yes to all of the above. When you’re looking to improve your chemistry and the quality and amount of connections you make, you should pay close attention to how you write. You can access free grammar and spelling resources online through your favorite search engines so making the best first impressions through emails should never be a problem.

Online dating isn’t something to be feared. It just presents new challenges to overcome.”

Instant messaging programs are yet another common way that first impressions and chemistry are created. They provide a quick way of contact without having to take the next step of moving to telephone conversations. Like emails, instant messaging has problems that phone conversations or in-person meetings don’t. Again, how you write and what you write can be put under a microscope. If you’re weak in any of these areas, try and avoid using instant messaging. Move to the phone as quickly as possible – but use tact. Rushing for phone numbers can also set people off. One easy step to helping ease the pressure is to offer your phone number as opposed to asking for theirs. Another word of caution would be to watch the use of sarcasm. It can be hard to deliver correctly even in person and doubly hard when it’s written. Unlike emails, where you can take your time to draft your message, how quickly you respond can also say something about the type of person you are. Chatting during a busy workday can lead to staggered replies. This can give the impression that you’re too busy to put adequate time into your digital relationship – especially if the other person is sitting and waiting for your message. Don’t let this happen. Keep your chat client off or block new contacts during the busy hours. At the very least, let them know that you’re multitasking and to expect some delays. You never know what might offend someone you’ve never met so take steps to protect yourself and your new relationship before it goes too far.

The phone is the best way to test your chemistry with someone before committing the time for a date. It’s a logical step and recommended if you’re at all worried about having a bad experience on a first meeting. You can tell a lot from the way a person speaks. What they say and how they communicate it is a lot clearer over the phone. Yet it’s still not a perfect picture of all that they, or you, are. You miss out on gestures and facial expressions and this can often make or break the effect of what’s being communicated. The purpose of a phone conversation, besides getting to know each other a little better, should be to move your relationship closer to a face-to-face meeting. If you sense that your conversation is going down the wrong path, cut your conversation short. Often a new day and a fresh head will give you a more accurate picture of the person you’re chatting with. Chemistry is easier to identify over the phone, but it still doesn’t compare to your first date.

Building chemistry is harder over the Internet than it is in person. It impedes the natural flow of communication that we’ve experienced since the beginning of time. Despite this, online dating isn’t something to be feared. It just presents new challenges to overcome. Always keep in mind that chemistry is best identified on a date and that your written and verbal communication is just a vehicle to get you there. How fast you travel to the fateful first meeting is up to you and the person you’re chatting with. Hopefully you’ll get there soon and the result is a chemistry that lasts a lifetime!