Taboo Dating Conversations

Every great date has a way for you to screw it up. Just try bringing up a few of the taboo dating conversation topics while out for a night of romance and you’ll see exactly what I mean. There are some things that should be left unsaid at least at the start of a new relationship.

Leave the ex in the past at least at first. Talking about your ex is one of the big taboos during a date. Sure, you may be able to pull it off, if you know how to do it right, but who wants to take the chance? If they ask about it, deal with the question and change the subject or throw it back to them. What could go wrong? You could bad mouth your ex and some might start to wonder if you’ll be bad mouthing them after its all over. Its always better to be the bigger person. You might slip up and mention too much about your ex and your date might think that you still have feelings. Who wants to compete with an ex? Or, you could commit the ultimate taboo and call your date by your ex’s name. There are a lot of dating conversations that would be too taboo for you and your next date, but talking about the ex is certainly at the top of the pile.

Sex is a taboo, plain and simple. This is mostly for the guys out there who might have lost touch with reality. Get a hold of your bodies and minds, boys. Your one-track mind for sex might be something you were born with, but it doesn’t belong on a first date. Sex is a personal activity and asking people about their favorite positions, the number of people they’ve been with, the last time they had sex, how may STDs they’ve had or abortions is not polite conversation. Sex belongs in the bedroom and you probably wont find it easy to get there if you keep bringing it up.

“Your personal beliefs also qualify as too taboo for polite dating conversation.”

Money is another conversation that is better left for later in a relationship. Money is important but its not that important to your relationship that you need to know how much someone makes when you first meet. Asking someone something as taboo as how much they make shows a lack of understanding of how people communicate. Its too personal to discuss with someone you’ve just met so stay away from it if you think you’d like to see them again.

Your personal beliefs also qualify as too taboo for polite dating conversation. If you’re a priest or someone else who thinks that religion is an essential part of the mate you date, sure, shoot it out there. Mind you, if its so important that you need to bring it up on date one then you should cover it before that moment arrives. When you’re on a first date, talking religion can be taboo for some. Leave it to later. Spend your time looking for general conversation that will tell you more important things such as how they take their coffee in the morning.

If you met on a political chat board or dating site, who you vote for is fair game. For the rest of us, politics should be passed as a topic for conversation. Its not that its too personal. Its taboo because people are passionate about it. Sure, talk about things you’re passionate about, but if you get someones back up on a first date, its doubtful there will be a second. You can smooth out small problems such as a disagreement on political parties after a relationship is on its way, but in the meantime, leave discussions about whats happening on the Hill to the politicians.

Those are some of the big taboos you might encounter in any first date conversation. Avoid them at all costs! If you can think of any others, feel free to leave us a note below. Good luck on your next date!

The Good, Bad and the Ugly

If you’re looking for the perfect way to find romance, you’re going to be searching for a long, long time. Dating is still the Wild West where the good, the bad and the ugly mingle and play together. Online dating is no different. But if you’re serious about finding friends and love, online romance sites are the best way to go. You just need to be prepared for what’s to come and the wonderful world of online dating will be much easier to navigate.

There is a rumor going around that there are bad people on dating sites. I’ve been there and I’ve seen it to be true. All you have to do is look at the headlines and you’ll hear all sorts of horror stories. There’s the man who bilked an unsuspecting widow out of $100,000 by getting her to invest in his company. In Russia, a man robbed and photographed women after meeting them on dating sites. And in Australia, a woman used sex to tie a man up and take what she wanted from him — and she wasn’t after a loving relationship. Online dating sites are a modern miracle for helping people connect with relationships that they wouldn’t normally be able to find but it’s no different than meeting someone any other way. There are bad people out there who only want what’s best for them. You need to be prepared. Knowing that they exist is the first step in protecting yourself when searching for love online.

“The vast majority are people just like you – people looking for love in the best way available to them.”

Pictures speak a thousand words but not everyone is as they appear. If it hasn’t happened to you, it’s probably happened to a friend of yours. You go on a date and the person you meet looks nothing like they did in their pictures. They may have aged 10 years, gained 50 pounds or they may not be the person they appeared to be at all. If you think Santa Claus lives at the North Pole, a stork delivers children and the Tooth Fairy has a license to print money, you may not want to read the next sentence. People lie. They misrepresent themselves. If this comes as no shock, you’ll be okay to read the following: these people are a small minority. As long as you’re aware of this and are diligent about the questions you ask and the responses you get, you can avoid the ugly people and scenes that come from hooking up with the wrong person.

Thankfully, the vast majority of people are good people! In close to four years and countless dates, I’ve only had two that were remotely bad. Both involved people who fudged their photographs and I was asleep at the wheel and wasn’t thorough enough to catch them. Both dates went fine but it was less than ideal. You’ll probably find the bad ones easy to spot. They’re the ones asking for naked pictures in their introductory email. They have blurry photos of themselves or only have one picture and a bad excuse as to why they don’t have more. They are the ones that want to know how much you make, the car you drive and what your credit card number and expiry date are. Stay away from these people! But the vast majority are people just like you – people looking for love in the best way available to them. Online dating isn’t a wonder-cure or all that ails you. It’s just a wonderful tool to help make your search for romance a little bit easier!

The Chemistry of Dating

Chemistry is everything when it comes to relationships. It is the flow of conversation and exchange of ideas between two people that suggests a compatibility of mind and spirit. Every relationship involves chemistry. Some people gel while others don’t. In the past, determining chemistry was pretty straightforward. You met someone in person and began the dance that would tell you how much chemistry you actually had. Online dating, however, is a different beast. Our connected universe has given birth to new ways to meet people and forms of communication that happen electronically without ever having that essential face-to-face encounter. For all the advantages that it brings, our new ways of communicating also come with unique obstacles. Email and instant messages often create the first impressions that people you meet online will have of you. Everything you write now becomes extremely important in how find friends. Phone conversations are also a logical next-step in any online relationship. How you come across over the phone often determines if you’ll get that date you’re looking for or not. The problem is that although these means of communication are important, they can often give a false impression of who you are. At the very least, you need to consider what this will mean when you start to pursue relationships online.

Writing is the foundation of first impressions online. This means that no matter how good or bad you are at written communication, it will be someones first look into what you have to offer as a date. Writing email is the easiest way for you to control how you appear. You have time to check your spelling and grammar to ensure you seem to be a competent, conscientious individual. If you read an email that is riddled with errors, would you think that the person who sent it wasn’t intelligent? Would you think them careless? Could it give you the impression that they can’t be bothered to take the time to write it right? Some might say yes to all of the above. When you’re looking to improve your chemistry and the quality and amount of connections you make, you should pay close attention to how you write. You can access free grammar and spelling resources online through your favorite search engines so making the best first impressions through emails should never be a problem.

Online dating isn’t something to be feared. It just presents new challenges to overcome.”

Instant messaging programs are yet another common way that first impressions and chemistry are created. They provide a quick way of contact without having to take the next step of moving to telephone conversations. Like emails, instant messaging has problems that phone conversations or in-person meetings don’t. Again, how you write and what you write can be put under a microscope. If you’re weak in any of these areas, try and avoid using instant messaging. Move to the phone as quickly as possible – but use tact. Rushing for phone numbers can also set people off. One easy step to helping ease the pressure is to offer your phone number as opposed to asking for theirs. Another word of caution would be to watch the use of sarcasm. It can be hard to deliver correctly even in person and doubly hard when it’s written. Unlike emails, where you can take your time to draft your message, how quickly you respond can also say something about the type of person you are. Chatting during a busy workday can lead to staggered replies. This can give the impression that you’re too busy to put adequate time into your digital relationship – especially if the other person is sitting and waiting for your message. Don’t let this happen. Keep your chat client off or block new contacts during the busy hours. At the very least, let them know that you’re multitasking and to expect some delays. You never know what might offend someone you’ve never met so take steps to protect yourself and your new relationship before it goes too far.

The phone is the best way to test your chemistry with someone before committing the time for a date. It’s a logical step and recommended if you’re at all worried about having a bad experience on a first meeting. You can tell a lot from the way a person speaks. What they say and how they communicate it is a lot clearer over the phone. Yet it’s still not a perfect picture of all that they, or you, are. You miss out on gestures and facial expressions and this can often make or break the effect of what’s being communicated. The purpose of a phone conversation, besides getting to know each other a little better, should be to move your relationship closer to a face-to-face meeting. If you sense that your conversation is going down the wrong path, cut your conversation short. Often a new day and a fresh head will give you a more accurate picture of the person you’re chatting with. Chemistry is easier to identify over the phone, but it still doesn’t compare to your first date.

Building chemistry is harder over the Internet than it is in person. It impedes the natural flow of communication that we’ve experienced since the beginning of time. Despite this, online dating isn’t something to be feared. It just presents new challenges to overcome. Always keep in mind that chemistry is best identified on a date and that your written and verbal communication is just a vehicle to get you there. How fast you travel to the fateful first meeting is up to you and the person you’re chatting with. Hopefully you’ll get there soon and the result is a chemistry that lasts a lifetime!